The Whole "being Dead" Thing Uke tab by Themes

[BETELGEUSE, sung]
F#
Hey, folks! Begging your pardon!
D
‘Scuse me! Sorry to barge in
B                                           A
Now let’s skip the tears and start on the whole
       G#
Y’know

Being dead thing

F#m
You’re doomed! Enjoy the singing
D
The sword of Damocles is swinging
B
And if I hear your cell-phone ringing
      A
I’ll kill you myself
     G#m
The whole being dead thing!

Bm
Death can get a person stressed
     F#
“We should have carpe’d way more diems

Now we’re never gonna see ‘em!"
G#m
I can show you what comes next
                   C#
So don’t be freaked
                   D
Stay in your seats

I do this bullshit, like, eight times a week!
C#
So just relax, you’ll be fine

Drink your fifty-dollar wine

And take a breath!



[ENSEMBLE]

Welcome to a show about death!


[BETELGEUSE]
F#
You’re…
                 E
You’re gonna be fine…
        B
On the other side…
F#
DIE! YOU’RE ALL GONNA DIE! YOU’RE ALL GONNA DIE!
F#
I'll...
              E
I’ll be your guide...
       B
To the other side…

[ENSEMBLE]
D                                C#
Oh, and full disclosure: It’s a show about death!


[BETELGEUSE]
Gm
Everybody gets on fine here
     D#
Like Rodgers, Hart, and Hammerstein here
C
The women’s bathroom has no line here

Just...
N.C. 
Pee where you want!
    A
The whole being dead thing!
Gm
You’re just gonna love the folks here
D#
Yeah, I know you’re woke, but you can take a joke here!
     C
And every show I do, like, a TON of coke here

The whole-

[heavy sniffing]

PAH-HAH! The whole being dead thing!

Cm
Nobody is bullet-proof!
G
“I work out, I eat clean!”
Gm              F
Jesus, pass the Dramamine
Cm
Time to face the brutal truth:
       Dm
‘Cause we’re all on a hitlist

Might not live ‘till Christmas

Choke to death on Triscuits

Hey, that’s just statistics
    D#
So take a little break here
G#m
Kinda like a wake here
     D#m
The scenery is fake here
      D#            D#m
But there's a giant snake here!

|Gm| |Gm| |Gm| |A#m| |C#|


[ENSEMBLE]
D#
Welcome to a show about death!

[BETELGEUSE]
G
You’re…
                 G7
You’re gonna be fine…

THANK YOU!
        D
On the other side…

HOW YOU DOIN’?
C
Woah! Not good!
  G            F
Ba-be-ba-ba-be-bo-boo-bap-boop!

Fm
I’ll…
        D#m
I’ll be your guide!
             A# C
To the other side!
N.C. 
Seriously, though, this is a show about-


[ENSEMBLE]
A#m                                        Fm
Death is taboo, but it’s hardly something new
                 A#m
There’s nothing medical professionals can do
       F          Fm
'Cept maybe just bill you

[BETELGEUSE, spoken]

If you die while listening to this album
                               F  D#
It's still gonna keep playing

[ENSEMBLE]
            A#m
There’s no destiny or fate
       Fm
Just a terrifying wait
            A#m
Filled with people that you hate
             D#                       C
And on a certain date, the universe kills you!

[BETELGEUSE]

N.C. 
That’s the thing with life:
                      A#
No-one makes it out alive!
C              D      Cm
Toss that body in the pit
 G
“Gosh, it’s awful, ain’t it tragic?”
                      F
“Blah, blah, Bible Jesus magic.”
Cm
When you’re dead, who gives a shit?
Gm
No pilates, no more yoga!

“Namaste”, you freakin’ posers

Cm
From the cradle to cremation
A#
Death just needs a little conversation!
D
I have mastered the art (Dies Irae!)
                   D#   D
Of tearing convention apart (Dies Irae!)

     D
So, how about we all make a start (Dies Irae!)
        G#   D      G
On the whole being dead thing!

[ALL]
D                                                G
God, I hope you’re ready for a show about death!