I'm Going To Hire A Wino Uke tab by David Frizzell

C 
I came crawling home last night
F 
like many nights before
C 
I finally made it to my feet
          F                   C 
as she opened up the door
                     C                       G            C 
and she said, "You're not gonna do this anymore."

                     C
She said, "I'm going to hire a wino
     F           
to decorate our home,
                                C
so you'll feel more at ease here,
                                  G
and you won't need to roam.
                C
We'll take out the dining room table
                F
we'll put a bar along that wall,
                              C
and a neon sign will point the way
          G                            C
to our bathroom down the hall"
                
                       C
She said, "Just bring those Friday paychecks
           F
and I'll cash them all right here.
                                    C
And I'll keep on tab for all your friends
                               G
their favorite kind of beer.
            C
And for you I'll always keep in stock
         F
those soft aluminum cans,
                                    C
and when you're feeling macho
            G                      C
you can crush'em, like a man."
 
                        C
She said, "We'll rip out all the carpet,
            F
and put sawdust on the floor.
                                          C
Serve hard-boiled eggs and pretzels,
                               G
and I won't cook no more.
                 C
There'll be Monday night football
      F
on TV above the bar,
                                  C
and a payphone in the hallway
                 G                              C
when your friends can't find their car."

                     D
She said, "I'm gonna hire a wino,
    G            
to decorate our home.
                                 D
So you'll feel more at ease here
                                  A
and you won't need to roam.
                D   
We'll take out the dining room table
               G
and put a bar along that wall,
                              D
and a neon sign will point the way
          A                            D
to our bathroom down the hall"

                D
She said, "You'll get friendly service,
      G
and varieted atmosphere.
                               D
I'll slip on something sexy,
                               A
and I'll cut it clear to here.
        D
Then you can slap my bottom,
        G
everytime you tell a joke,
                                     D
just as long as you keep tippin'
            A                       D
we'll I'll laugh until you're broke."

                    D
She said, "Instead of a family quarrel,
        G
we'll have a barroom brawl.
                                            D
When the ham's bear says its closing time,
                                 A
you won't have far to crawl.
                 D
And when you run out of money,
G
you'll have me to thank.
                                           D
You can sleep it off the next morning
              A                    D
while I'm putting it in the bank."

                      E
She said, "I'm gonna hire a wino,
    A 
to decorate our home.
                                 E
So you'll feel more at ease here,
                                  B
and you won't need to roam.
                E
then when you and your friends get off of work
             A
and you have a powerful thirst,
                                    E
well, there won't be any reason why you
B                         E
can't stop off here first."

                      F#
She said, "I'm gonna hire a wino,
    B
to decorate our home.
                                 F#
So you'll feel more at ease here
                                   C#
and you won't need to roam.
                 F#
We'll take out the dining room table
               B
and put a bar along that wall,
                              F#
and a neon sign will point the way
          C#                         F#
to our bathroom down the hall"