The Real Slim Shady Tabulatur von Eminem

Em                         Am 
Y'all act like you never seen a white person before
      B7                          Em
Jaws all on the floor like Pam and Tommy just burst in the door
Em                         Am
and started whoopin her ass worse than before
          B7                       Em 
they were first divorced, throwin her over furniture 
Em                              Am
It's the return of the... "Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding,
B7                          Em
he didn't just say what I think he did, did he?"
Em                 Am
And Dr. Dre said... nothing you idiots!
B7                   Em
Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement! (Ha-ha!)
Em                    Am
Feminist women love Eminem
                B7
chigga chigga chigga
                   Em
"Slim Shady, I'm sick of him look at him, 
Em                    Am
Walkin' around grabbin' his you-know-what
              B7                           Em
Flippin the you-know-who," "Yeah, but he's so cute though!"
Em                                   Am
Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose
     B7                         Em
But no worse, than what's goin on in your parents' bedrooms
Em                      Am                                B7 
Sometimes, I wanna get on TV and just let loose, but can't
                               Em
but it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose
Em                          Am   
"My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips"
       B7                          Em
And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss
     Em                            Am  
And that's the message that we deliver to little kids
     B7                              Em 
And expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is
     Em                               Am 
Of course they gonna know what intercourse is
                      B7
By the time they hit fourth grade
                Em
They got the Discovery Channel don't they?
Em                      Am                            B7
"We ain't nothing but mammals.." Well, some of us cannibals
               Em
who cut other people open like cantaloupes 
Em                   Am  
But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes
B7                                      Em
then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope
           Em                   Am
[*EWWW!*] But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote
B7                          Em
Women wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus and it goes


        Em                   Am
'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
         B7                  Em
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
    Em                          Am
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up,
B7                Em
please stand up, please stand up?

Em                                   Am
Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell his records;
B7                          Em
well I do, so fuck him and fuck you too!
      Em                          Am
You think I give a damn about a Grammy?
              B7                            Em
Half of you critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me
      Em                        Am
"But Slim, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?"
B7                                 Em
Why? So you guys could just lie to get me here?
        Em                Am
So you can, sit me here next to Britney Spears?
B7                        Em
Shit, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs
        Em                    Am
so I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst
      B7                              Em
and hear 'em argue over who she gave head to first
Em                           Am
You little bitch, put me on blast on MTV
             B7                             Em
"Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Kim, hee-hee!"
         Em                     Am
I should download her audio on MP3
              B7                      Em
and show the whole world how you gave Eminem VD [AHHH!]
Em                                Am                        B7
I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups, all you do is annoy me
                Em
so I have been sent here to destroy you [bzzzt]
Em                            Am                
And there's a million of us just like me
     B7                            Em
who cuss like me; who just don't give a fuck like me
     Em                            Am
who dress like me; walk, talk and act like me
     B7                           Em
and just might be the next best thing but not quite me!

[Chorus]
            Em                       Am
I'm like a head trip to listen to, cause I'm only givin you
B7                                    Em
things you joke about with your friends inside your living room
   Em                  Am
The only difference is I got the balls to say it
             B7                          Em
in front of y'all and I don't gotta be false or sugarcoated at all
Em                   Am
I just get on the mic and spit it
         B7                              Em
and whether you like to admit it [*ERR*] I just shit it
             Em                      Am
better than ninety percent of you rappers out can
                B7                          Em
Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like valiums
      Em                    Am
It's funny; cause at the rate I'm goin when I'm thirty
B7                               Em
I'll be the only person in the nursin home flirting
Em                      Am
Pinchin nurses asses when I'm jackin off with Jergens
     B7                                Em
And I'm jerkin but this whole bag of Viagra isn't working
     Em                        Am
And every single person is a Slim Shady lurkin
     B7                               Em
He could be workin at Burger King, spittin on your onion rings
         Em                      Am 
         Or in the parkin lot, circling
                B7
Screaming "I don't give a fuck!"
                   Em
with his windows down and his system up
Em                         Am
So, will the real Shady please stand up?
    B7                           Em
And put one of those fingers on each hand up?
         Em                     Am
And be proud to be outta your mind and outta control
    B7                         Em
and one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?