Three Point One Four Tabulatur von Bloodhound Gang

[Into - D,D,D,D, A,A,A, Bm,Bm,Bm,Bm, G,G,G]

D
My last girlfriend didn't like me thought she might be,
A
Most likely a dyke she just didn't 
Bm
excite me,
Lefty? Yeah but that was alright,
        G
She was hotter than the sun but she just wasn't that bright,
D
My mistake she was more flaky than a leper colony,
A
I think a wooden clothespin would have been much better company,
Bm
Ass like a donkey acting funky gave her "L" now she's a flunky,
G
So my love for her died quicker than a batch of Sea Monkeys,
D
Early bird gets the worm spread your legs or spread the word,
A
So what if I'm not the smartest peanut in the turd,
Bm
I'm white which goes with everything but I can come in any color,
G
And I'm looking for the kind of girl that reminds me of my mother,
D
But it's hard to find a girl with a viper tattooed on her tushy,
A
And how many girls do you know that can play the harmonica with their pussies?
Bm
Like em' easy and hot and sweet like a Rice Krispie Treat,
G
gee, You know what I really want in a girl?
[No chords] Me,

D                 A
I need to find a new vagina,
Bm          G
Any kind of new vagina,
D 
It's hard to rhyme a word
A
like vagina,
Bm                    G
Calvin Klein? Kind of North Carolina, 

[Solo same as intro]

D
Women are like dog, doo, hear me through don't interrupt,
A
It's just the older that they are the easier they get to pick-up,
Bm
I'd fill the generation gap clean the cobwebs from her rafters,
G
Old hens would rather put out than be put out to the pasture,
D
No age just ain't a gauge I like my girls like my cheese,
A
Preferably for me fat-free American singles only,
Bm
I want my next chick anorexic, the winner is the thinner,
G
Won't have to take her skinny ass out to a fancy dinner,
     D
Like Sizzler she got a beef we'll chew the fat,
A
If I forget to put the seat up I can put up with her crap,
Bm
Let her lash out and crack the whip but not in bed I don't play rough,
G
No I can't be tied down with a girl that wants me tied up,
D
Just independent like NOFX ,smart like Janeane Garafolo,
A
She'd use big words to make fun of me so that I would never know,
Bm
Bestow upon me all her wisdom of the Dewey Decimal System,
G
gee, You know what I really want in a girl?
[No chords] Me,

D                A
I need to find a new vagina,
Bm          G
Any kind of new vagina,
D                    A
It's hard to rhyme a word like vagina,
Bm                   G
Kevin Klein? Kind of South Carolina,

[Solo again]
D   A       Bm     G      D
Vagina vagina vagina vagina,
     A      Bm     G      D
Vagina vagina vagina vagina.

[Final solo]